Earlier this week on Facebook I posted a note saying due to other more pressing matters I would not be posting ,or writing any blogs for a while.
Pressing being the operative word, you see it is the start of the Olive Harvest here in Catalonia.
We as novices expected that it would take a considerable time to clear our trees and get the olives down to the cooperative.
I had roughly estimated that there were around 490,000,000,000,000 harvestable olives.
My better half thought I was slightly over estimating my bounty,what does she know?
There being just the two of us I figured I would be unavailable for comment so to speak ,for quite some time.
It is not just a matter of clearing the trees of the olives.
You have to arrange a time with the cooperative so that everybody does not just turn up at once , with billions of olives,this of course would result in havoc.
I spoke with Montse the lovely admin lady at the coop and told her of my quantity and ETA.
I have to say she was somewhat surprised that my two trees held such an amount.
I had also contacted a local gardener to ask if he could find me some experienced olive pickers.
He agreed to source them and he and the chaps arrived yesterday at 7 .30 am.
I am now quite au fait with local customs and knew that they would be wanting a break around 10am , of course lunch/siesta is a 4 hour affair starting around 1pm till 5pm.
My best guess was this was a five,to six day , 5man/woman job.
I thought it would be prudent to get to the shops and buy some bread ,cold meat beers and wine to ensure a hearty breakfast.
A happy well treated ,well paid workforce is an efficient workforce,something Tories don’t understand.
I left the guys to set up ,and headed off to the local market.
I was a little delayed after bumping into one of my neighbours who talked me into going for a cafe con leche.
We discussed the harvest and he gave me more tips on the do’s and donts of the olives.
The method used is that all producers for miles around take their olives to the co-op ,the arrangement being they keep half and the other half is pressed into oil for you.
There is a small token payment for every kilo of olives processed,the main gain for the coop is the 50% they keep for selling to the general public.
You get the satisfaction of having your “own” oil.
They operate a similar system with grapes resulting in the most gorgeous local wine which you buy by the container at €1.20 a litre, happy days.
Armed with this information I couldn’t wait to get started on my adventure ,my first harvest.
Imagine my surprise on my return to the villa to find that not only had the workers disappeared ,gone to were my 490,000,000,000,000 Olives.
Apparently in my estimates I had over calculated by 489,999,999,000,000 approx.
They had stripped the trees in under one hour.
This embarrassment for me is only known to a few ,for you see it is not of sufficient interest to the local papers ,radio ,or TV stations to make it on to their main news items.
I can carry on regardless as if I never ‘lost’ 48,999,999,000,000 approx. olives.
However imagine a Government did that say with their accounting of National Assets and it was ££’s not olives.
Imagine the outcry ,the anger of the media and the people when they found out about such incompetence.
The Media of all types would be informing the citizens of that nation that overnight their incompetent ,idiotic government that loved lecturing everyone else about financial prudence had made a monumental ,almost criminal,cock up.
Government Ministers would be resigning ,the Prime Minister and Chancellor that had taken the country into such a situation would be gone overnight shamed ,ridiculed and cast out for everyone to see.
Emergency action would have to be implemented overnight Austerity plans scrapped an immediate u -turn on the stupidity of Brexit.
A stimulus budget that would start increasing the tax take ,encouraging back that inward investment.
Those that now controlled that government might have to eat some humble pie as regards our partners in EU.
However in the name of the Common Weal a little bit of humble pie never hurt anyone.
Alternatively you could live in the UK where you have an arrogant,pompous ruling elite that can never ever admit a mistake,an error, a miscalculation.
No this lot and their predecessors have always been right ,and right in all things.
They get away with it every time because they have a compliant media in the hands of a few cruel,greedy right wing Press Barons that will make money no matter what happens to the population at large.
We have Radio & TV Companies crammed full of placed toadies that will also hide the truth from the general public and dutifully spread the elites message to keep the peasants quiet.
I am no economist ,not even a dog food salesman with a set of crayons,but I do know this.
You don’t ‘lose’ £490Billion and have no fall out from it.
It will have to be paid for,and on this I can be 100% sure those that created this mess ,those that hid this mess won’t pay for it in any way shape ,or form.
I can guarantee that just like the bankers theft the little people will pay for the mistakes of the rich ruling elite.
So next time some Britnat Yoon tries to tell you Scotland has a big black hole deficit just remind them of this £490,000,000,000,000.
The next time they try to tell us we are Too Weak,Too Stupid and best of all Too Poor let us remind them of this,at every turn.
Never again can any Brit try to tell us we will be worse off financially or that we cannot look after the finances of our nation as efficiently as them.